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Setting Boundaries by Tammy Pfaff

8/6/2020

2 Comments

 

Setting Boundaries

Picture
Moses’ father-in-law replied,
“What you are doing is not good. 
You and these people who come to you
will only wear yourselves out.
The work is too heavy for you;
you cannot handle it alone.”
Exodus 18:17−18 (NIV)
We use a baby gate for our new pup Loretta just like we did with our babies. We do this to set boundaries to keep them safe. Recently Loretta ate a big hole through our baby gate. She is a little crazy. But we love her just the same and do all we can to keep her from harm. Setting boundaries for ourselves keeps us safe as well.

Setting boundaries and asking for help are the hardest lessons I have had to learn. Here is the secret when someone asks you to do something or to make a long term commitment: Say, “Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.” Never say, “Yes,” out of obligation. Never say, “Yes,” out of guilt. Take time to think about what you honestly can and can’t handle before giving an answer.

Over the years I have volunteered at my church for different ministries. Serving in ministry is good. It is important to pray and seek guidance. Once when I was very sick with depression, I didn’t know how to say, “No.” On one occasion I agreed to teach Bible lessons for our Vacation Bible School program. Knowing they were short-staffed, I said, “Yes,” out of guilt. After decorating, I taught a room full of kindergarteners for five evenings during the hottest week of June. Although it was successful, I crashed the following week. I took on more than I could handle. I should have asked for help or declined. Saying, “No,” doesn’t mean you won’t have another opportunity down the road when you are better able to make the commitment.

When you have time to think and pray about a commitment, consider if it is something your heart desires and won’t wear you out or cause stress in the process. Later, simply reply what is in your best interest, a simple “Yes” or “No,” is sufficient. If you feel you must explain, keep it short, but stick with your answer. Don’t be pressured. It just isn’t healthy to do more than we can handle.

There are times we become overloaded with regular activities that are beyond our control. Ask for help! Just as Jethro suggested to Moses, sometimes a task is too big for one person. We will ware ourselves out. I’m not saying we shouldn’t push or challenge ourselves to make commitments. I am saying if you are overwhelmed with something that must be done, ask for help! Don’t let guilt or pride hold you back. Although we sometimes don’t like to admit it, we all have limitations. Learn what those limitations are. Don’t max yourself out. Keep your mind and body safe. Learn to set boundaries and ask for help. In this way we will better serve God, others and ourselves.
  • Am I overwhelmed or taking on too much?
  • Have I overextended myself by saying yes out of guilt?
  • Can something be postponed, delegated or can I ask someone for help?
  • Take pride in what you accomplish.
  • Do your best and accept your limitations each day.
  • Cut yourself a break now and then and do something that might bring
    ​you joy, peace or a sense of accomplishment
    .
Dear Father,
Give me the strength to carry out what You have planned for me today. Empower me to say “no,” or ask for help when I need to. Help me to be ok with setting boundaries and rid myself of any guilt. Let me hear Your guidance and equip me to carry out Your will. Help me to serve in the way that would please You.
In Jesus’ name, I ask,
Amen

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2 Comments
Joy link
8/9/2020 06:52:28 pm

Love it! Looks like we're in this encouraging business together!

Not to mention the really hard business of setting boundaries. sigh.

Reply
Pam Halter link
9/10/2020 04:46:37 am

I used to say YES to everything! And people kept asking me to do things because I did them well ... even after I had Anna. She was such a sick baby. Why didn't people leave me alone?

I just learned about drawing healthy boundaries a couple of years ago and Anna is 29.

I think the enemy WANTS us to be overwhelmed doing "good" things. It makes us ineffective and exhausted. I'm glad you learned about boundaries, too, Tammy!

Reply



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