by Tammy Pfaff

The last few months, life seems to be whizzing by in my hustle and bustle. I was getting so tired from all the stress that I was falling behind not only in my writing but also things that should get done around the house. I was lacking in self-care and self-time. When I did have a little free time, I was too tired to do anything. I’m sure you get it, dealing with life. It can get messy. Let’s face it, our lives are filled with busyness. Maybe all we need is a little encouragement.

I have a bunch of wonderful writing friends that I keep in touch with regularly. We encourage each other, we listen to each other, and we try to hold each other accountable in achieving our goals.  Not just with our writing but on a personal level as well.

I’ve been whining about not being able to write, either because I have no time or my dog Loretta won’t let me. Literally, she won’t. I’ll sit down at my desk downstairs and no sooner will she start scratching my arms and legs with her large paws and bark at me. She wants my undivided attention. It is so annoying. Patience. She is a year old now. She has calmed down a little but she is still in puppy mode.

Over a month ago, I realized we have a spare bedroom upstairs. Only, it was filled up with clothing bins, bedroom furniture and bags. There was so much stuff, it was overwhelming. Not to mention, the attic needed cleaned up in order to move the storage bins to a better place. Wouldn’t it be lovely if I could have an office I could escape to with a door to close? But how would I ever find the time or energy?

One day I received a letter from one of my friends. Isn’t it so much fun getting a personal letter in the mail? What a nice surprise! It was a letter of encouragement to ponder the idea of cleaning out that room in smaller chunks of time. A little here, a little there. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. (I’ll let you in on a secret, I do I have a little problem with all or nothing thinking. Anyway, it was such a sweet and encouraging letter that I took her advice. Slowly I pushed myself to sort through the mess and bag things up for Good Will, in spare chunks of time. Even when I was tired, I pushed myself with the end result in mind as a prize for my hard work.  I tried to use the method, “if we haven’t used it in a year, we don’t need it.”

Once I was done, I decided to paint the lime and blue walls a fresh coat of white. It took an entire week. No help. (Let me just say, I realized I was a bit younger the last time I painted a room.)
After selling the bedroom furniture, I was able to purchase carpet at the Home Depot. 
I found an awesome deal on Market Place and bought a large white desk for my new office upstairs. I bought a lovely misty mint office chair and painted some art work. I even have a mini grey recliner for reading and writing. Now I can escape from time to time.  I have a space!

What is my point?
​Well, I guess what I am trying to get across are two ideas:

1. Take a few minutes of time out of your day and encourage someone either by picking up the phone or sending a letter or card.
2. If you feel overwhelmed with getting a project done, do a little at a time (ten minutes to a half hour) a few days a week. It feels good!

What’s on your mind?

by Tammy Pfaff
 
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things
or that I have already reached perfection.
But I press on to possess that perfection for which
Christ Jesus first possessed me. 
Philippians 3:12 (NLT)

Perfectionism almost crippled me during a difficult time with depression. I was asked to paint a New York city skyline as a back-drop for a play. I didn’t know how to say “no” to anyone at the time. I spent hours cutting out cardboard in the shape of skyscrapers. I was over-whelmed and spent hours upon hours putting it together and painting it, making some of the windows appear lit up in a night scene. It had to be perfect, I thought. Not considering that after the play, it would be tossed in the trash.

I’ve always been a person who is tedious in nature and strives to do the best work possible, no matter what the task. I take pride in it. That is ok to a point, except when I put unnecessary time and effort into things that have to be my version of perfect. Why did I put so much pressure on myself causing a great deal of stress?

I had to begin by asking myself, why am I doing this?

• Am I looking for approval or praise?
• Am I spending too much time worrying about the project?
• Am I putting too much pressure on myself, wanting to be perfect?
• Did I commit to do something I am not equipped to do?
• Am I too proud to ask for help?
  
  

Today I will not torture myself tying to be the perfect person. I’ve since learned that yes, I’ll do the best I can but that is all. Everyone has certain talents, strengths and weaknesses. But when we struggle with self-confidence or perfectionism, we shouldn’t drive ourselves crazy by trying to be the best of the best. We give it our all with what we’ve got, nothing more, nothing less. We should feel good about it and move on. It can be easier said then done but practice makes perfect.

Here are some exercises that helped me to overcome
the negative power of perfectionism:

• Feel good about who you are. Pray to see yourself as He sees you. See Psalm 139.
• Be sure to pray and ask God if this project is something, He intended you to do? Ask, “is it in His plan for me? (See Jeremiah 29:11 below.)
• Don’t drive yourself nuts. Set a reasonable limit on the time spent on a task.
• If you need help, ask for it. But don’t let them do all the work.
• Give it your best and try to be ok with it.
• Be careful not to rely on approval or praise from others.
• Don’t over-extend yourself with projects. Learn to say, “no” or “let me think about it and I’ll get back to you.” Set boundaries and limits.
• Feel good about your accomplishments.

 
Next time you take on a project, pray,
ask God if this is in His plan for me. Ask, “Will it bring me closer to Him?”

I will let you in on a little secret: It’s ok to smile. It is ok to sing happy songs loudly, and it is ok to laugh at yourself.
When we are suffering from sadness, it is hard to smile let alone be joyful. We often feel guilty to have or show a little joy because of our distorted thinking process. Sometimes we are so miserable, it becomes easier not to smile, and sometimes we just forget how. It doesn’t feel natural.

When my oldest two girls were little, my husband would try to make me laugh during my depression, and he encouraged the girls to play along.

“Where is mommy’s sense of humor?” Kevin would say. “Has anybody seen it?”

The girls would giggle and pretend they were looking for it. They would follow his lead looking under the sofa. “No, it’s not there,” they would say. “It must be in mommy’s sock drawer.”

I was usually in my miserable state of mind. But they would continue until I at least cracked a smile. Annoyed, I usually laughed a little because they were so darn cute. Thank God for Kevin’s sense of humor over the years. But I remember fighting it. I wanted to wallow in my depressed state. Leave me alone and let me be, I thought. Most times it took everything in me to put on a happy face in social gatherings. It was exhausting to hold up that mask. I actually got pretty good at hiding my depression when I needed to. Of course, church was a different story. It was usually very hard to keep it together when a sermon touched a nerve, or a song would trigger the tears. Many days I couldn’t hold it together. Sometimes I cried for days. I don’t know why I felt guilty about finding joy. Maybe I felt so bad about myself in the midst of my sadness that I didn’t think I deserved to have times of joy. 

Guess what? It is ok to feel and express times of joy! You deserve it. God wants you to have joy in His presence.

I often felt the most peaceful when I listened to some music I liked. It is those times—even if we are alone in the car—to sing for joy to the Lord because He has given us another day. Be thankful for that. Sing at the top of your lungs! Be joyful in His presence. It is even ok to feel joy around other people.
​
I must confess that today, sometimes I leap around the house flinging my arms like a ballerina. The kids laugh at me. I call it “fairy dancing.” It’s quite fun and difficult not to smile and laugh while I’m doing it. It brings joy. Try it when no one is looking. Then encourage others to join you.

• Do you feel the need to fairy dance today?
•  It’s ok to experience joy when you are depressed. Don’t fight it.

 
Dear Father,
Thank You for joy and laughter. Remind me constantly it is ok to smile and laugh. I deserve to be joyful. Sometimes, Father, it is really hard to do find joy in the pit of despair. Bring me joy, Lord. Thank you!
In Jesus’ name, I ask,
Amen

By Tammy Pfaff

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

Hobbies can be a great way to build confidence and relieve stress. I love hearing and learning about others who have different hobbies then my own. I’ve dabbled in several different types of hobbies over the years, such as reading, building puzzles, and scrapbooking. I have even researched my family history. I have also painted wooden plaques, refinished furniture, and collected antique jars. I have had different seasons of hobbies. I think it is a great way to enjoy ourselves and try new things. The possibilities are endless. We can even learn how by taking classes, asking for help, learning from books or search how-to videos on the internet.

If you don’t have a hobby, consider exploring to find one you enjoy. It may be trial and error. You may find more than one. It is good to try new things that are a healthy solution for self-time. Let it be challenging but start out on a small scale. Find one that is interesting and brings you joy. Be careful to avoid costly hobbies. Stick with ideas that are free or inexpensive. Find the best deals and creative ways to cut costs on hobbies.
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Below are some ideas to consider. I am sure there are many more to explore. Remember to work on hobbies in moderation. Don’t let it take over your life. Maybe a friend or family member can join you in starting a hobby. Make sure it is a healthy hobby for you personally. Of course, keep it safe by trying to use what is easily available at home. Many ideas can be achieved with free access and research online. Others may have to wait until after it is safe to venture out. The possibilities are endless.

Many Benefits
There are so many benefits in keeping a journal. Journaling can help us start each day by emptying the clutter from our mind. It can even help us to organize our thoughts and motivate us to accomplishment tasks. Journaling gives us a sense of creativity. It’s a feel-good exercise for the brain.

Relaxing
Journaling can help us to relax and alleviate stress. It can reinforce positive affirmations or rid ourselves of negativity. We can use it as self-time to sit quietly with a cup of coffee or tea in a comfortable place in our home or office.

Simple
A journal can consist of a small simple notebook, sheets of paper fastened together or even a book filled with blank or lined pages. It can contain as little as one to three sentences. It can be a random thought to release a negative thought or conduce a positive start to our day.

Organized
Today bullet journals are popular. There are even blogs on bullet journals. They can help organize thoughts, schedules or subjects such as traveling ideas, raising a child, setting goals, etc.

Creative
I once did a project for a support group. We decorated the front and back cover of a composition book, with cut-out magazine pictures pasted as a collage. When they were completed, we shellacked the cover with a coat of Mod Podge to keep the pictures in place, leaving them with clean edges.
I also created a personal goal journal in a folder I filled with plain white paper and fasteners. I pulled pictures of things I wanted to accomplish with titled pages. I included Bible verses and quotes, typed up dreams and ideas for my future. I even checked off the goals I achieved over the years.
There are many types of Journals:
The sky is the limit when it comes to journaling. They can be made out of just about anything and consist of endless ideas.

Meditation
I keep a daily journal of letters written to God as a prayer. It is my prayer journal. Sometimes they are half a page or several pages long. They include a date at the top of the page, thoughts I might have that morning, sometimes negative, sometimes positive. They usually include a request and a praise to God for an answered prayer. Sometimes I even vent out my frustrations or anger I might be struggling with. My favorite journals have soft embossed covers, some with a band that snaps the book closed. I have a collection of completed journals I keep on my bookshelf.
My daughter Emily is an avid journaler. Emily keeps several journals and uses them often. Some might be simple while others are more extravagant. They are usually very organized, written out in neat colorful pens that may have different color coordinations. She likes Moleskine journals which are usually a little more costly.
 
Here is what Emily has to say:
I have three notebooks I use constantly. One is my Jot Book, where I quickly throw things that I don’t want to forget. I also have my daily Bullet Journal, where I write down anything I need to do for the day. And lastly, I have my journal which is more like a Traditional Diary.

Jot Book
This is for quick notes and scribbles. If someone recommends a tv show I can quickly pull this out and write it down. Nothing too emotional here. Just notes. 

Bullet Journal 
This is the core of my existence. The bullet journal is my life saver and is a very therapeutic process for me. I use it for my work life and my home life. During the first 10 minutes of work I write down a bulleted list of everything I need to do that day. I often get overwhelmed about how much I have to do in a day, and when I don't write it down I easily forget things. Writing it down and putting it into a list, helps me to manage stress and anxiety. Every time I complete a task, I get to cross it off and I get a great sense of accomplishment even from doing just one task.
 
On a normal day my bullet list might contain larger tasks such as, “complete X files and send to boss for review.” But on a bad day where I feel emotionally and mentally drained, I might write down smaller tasks like “take out the trash,” “get shower,” “feed the cat,” because I need the motivation just to get out of bed and do something. On those days, being able to complete just one task makes me feel good. 

Traditional Diary 
In my Traditional Diary, I write about the good and the bad in life. A huge part of my anxiety involves focusing on bad situations and over analyzing. Writing them down is the only way I can get them out of my head and move on with my day. So, I’ll write all of my bad thoughts down, close the book, and try to let the conflict end in my head.

My journals are very personal, so even though I put a lot of work into them and make them pretty, I choose not to share them with others.
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The Perfect Fit
While Emily has the perfect fit and style for her, everyone has different styles and preferences. The sky is the limit when it comes to choosing a book style and the way in which you write in it. It can include pictures, drawings, labels, you name it. Have fun and create your journal today. Experiment. Find what works for you.
Here is a website that discusses the general journaling methods: